The past four weeks have been an emotional and mental rollercoaster for me.

People have let me down, I feel I've let people down, I've had many conversations that I'd usually avoid and, most importantly, I've had the chance to take a good look inside myself and asked myself about the things that matter to me and the things that I want most in life.

Something happened today. With it, I believe my perspective of life has changed.

At around 7pm this evening, I got an message from a friend. She had forwarded me a link to a news report. That report contained news about the death of an ex-schoolmate. Out of respect for her and her family, I don't think I should share any more details.

At first, I really didn't know what to feel. You see, back in school, she was one of the people who had made my life hell. I spent a good part of my two years in JC detesting her. The sight of her irritated me. In fact, life in JC was so hard that, even to this day, I don't want to remember it. With the exception of a handful of friends, I have made it a point to not keep in touch with anyone else from my faculty.

How should I begin to talk about what I'm feeling inside right now?

I don't feel sad. I am of the opinion that death doesn't, and shouldn't, change my feelings about a person. While it's extremely unfortunate that something so tragic has happened to this girl, I feel I should not be robbed of my right to not like her. Please don't get me wrong. I'm not the sort who would wish bad things on someone who's passed on. But I do not feel the need to grieve her death either.

I did not have the chance to know this girl beyond our JC years. I acknowledge that she could have become a great person, a nice girl, a fantastic friend ... given the opportunity, perhaps we could have become pals. Unfortunately, my memories of her are of the times we spent in JC. We've not had the most fantastic relationship. What could have been would now remain a big question mark.

This event, however, has made me think more deeply about life. It could be over just like that. I drive. I am just as likely to be involved in an accident that could take me away from those who love me for forever. What becomes then of my dreams, my hopes and everything that I have spent my life achieving?

Have I made peace with the people whom I've let down? Have I done enough for my parents? Have I told my friends how important they are to me? Am I leaving this world with regrets and unfulfilled dreams?

This is death. If the dead could feel or think, I'm sure they would be wishing for more time to wrap up any unfinished business they may have. If I were to die tonight, I know I would be leaving with lots of regrets. I would not have properly fallen in love, I would not have had my heart properly broken, I would not have told my parents just how much I really love them and I would not have had the chance to do the things I've been intending to do.

Perhaps this is the wakeup call I need. To embrace life and use whatever time I've left - how much or how little, I don't know - to make sure my existence on this planet means something to me and to the people who love me.

Rest in peace.

I've always prided myself as a bona fide urbanite. One who doesn't just love being in a concrete jungle but actually shivers from the thought of being away from it. I'm not a nature person in that I can't, for the life of me, trek through a jungle without shrieking, whining and complaining. In fact, the last time I hiked up a mountain, I think I screamed so much, the entire animal population relocated.

As time goes by, I'm beginning to realise that this relationship actually works both ways. I don't like Nature but, you know what? Nature isn't my biggest fan either!

First up, mosquitoes seem to like attacking me. A group of friends and I could be sitting in a bus and the only person who would emerge from it with mossie-bites on her is me. I get stung in the most unexpected places - air-conditioned restaurants, five-star hotel rooms, luxury spas, wrapped up in my blanket ... you name it, I've been stung by a mosquito there. And that's not the most irritating part. Mosquitoes seem to like to sting me on weird places too! I've been stung on my eyelids, earlobes, big toe, tip of my fingers and on my scalp!

Next up, sandflies. Who would have thought one could get attacked by sandflies dining at Da Paolo? We were celebrating my cousin's birthday at the Da Paolo at Rochester Park. Halfway through my pasta, I felt a little things fleeting around my feet. I dismissed it, thinking it would be mosquitoes and I'd just have to apply some Mopiko on the bites later. The thing about sandfly bites is that they don't itch until a few days later. A sandfly bite develop into a welt that itches like hell when you touch it. The welt would burst open if you scratch it too hard - which isn't hard considering how damn itchy it gets! A lot of people say they get bitten by sandflies when they are at the beach or trekking through a forest. Who gets bitten while dining at a civilised Italian restaurant? ME! My feet are now covered in scars from the bites (if there's one thing I cannot stop myself from doing, it's scratching an itch).

Have I told you about my jellyfish scars from wakeboarding? Yes, coming up is jellyfish stings! I was wakeboarding and I fell onto a jellyfish who decided then to wrap its entire tentacle around my right arm. My upper arm now bears a hideous brown scar that looks like a stretchmark. According to my instructor, I shouldn't have encountered a jellyfish because it was the end of jellyfish-season. He said that the jellyfish might be an overstayer, a stray, a random creature that had forgotten to check out with the rest of its family. My friends laughed at my luck. They say, "The sea is this big. There's only one jellyfish floating about. AND, you had to be the one to fall on it. Ha ha ha!" Not impressed.

This isn't all. There were rats in my ceiling that needed to be "handled" by the exterminators. Recently, my front door has come under the attack of dry wood termites. My apartment seems to attract an inordinate number of tiny moths (I think the pest-dude said hunchback moths) and I can't watch TV in peace because I know a lizard is lurking somewhere behind my sofa! I now take my trash out to the bin collection centre because I know cockroaches are waiting to pounce on me if I should ever open my rubbish chute cover. In case you're wondering, my apartment is really very clean, dry and tidy!  

What is up with this? I only don't like Nature. But Nature seems to have declared an all-out war against me! I recycle my paper products and I send my plastic bottles to the recycling bin. I may not get around in public transport but my car is so fuel-efficient, I only top up my gas once every two weeks! When I go get my morning coffee, I bring along my own mug. I've even begun to pack a pair of reusable chopsticks into my bag so I won't need to use the disposable wooden ones. Why is Nature sending its army to take me down?         

I went on leave last week and I found myself in Taipei from Wednesday to Sunday.

It was my fifth time in Taipei but my first holiday with my sister and her family. My sister has a little girl by the name of Anya. Anya is about one and a half years old and she's a rather cute little girl. Except when she decides to throw a fit.

When Anya throws a fit, it is like an end-of-days movie. She cries like she's the lead female actress in a super emo scene. She writhes about like an action heroine caught in a death trap threatening to tear her limbs off. And her face becomes so contorted that anyone passing by would actually believe she is in great pain and distress. On our last night in Taipei, Anya decided that she would make the night even more memorable by crying till 4am. Although I wasn't sleeping anywhere near my sister, I could hear, at one point, her telling Anya, "OK, if you don't stop crying, I'm going to throw you out of the window."

She didn't, thank god, commit infanticide. But the exasperation in my poor sister's voice has been etched deeply in my mind. I think I'm never going to actually have a baby.

Sometimes, I get curious about motherhood. I would flirt, briefly, with the idea of settling down and setting up my own little family. I'd think about how complete my life would be, having a loving husband and a beautiful child. I'd beam to myself when I realise that my having a family would actually make my mother a very happy woman. I find the idea of my child playing with my sister's and my cousins' kids extremely cute. BUT the reality - that of raising a kid in Singapore, and in this world, at a time like this - would then sink in.

Being a mother is tough and I'm way too selfish to give up my current lifestyle for a child.

I can't, for the life of me, imagine sharing MY time with a child. Time that I use to take care of myself would become time to feed, change and educate the kid. Money that is now put into shoes, clothes, dining out and partying would become money for diapers, milk powder, enrichment classes and insurance policies. And PERSONAL SPACE? The all-important space that I always need to think about work, about my life, space that I love and am so possessive about would be GONE, once and for all.

The cons clearly outweigh the pros.

How is it possible to have a kid?

I don't know. I admire women who are mothers but I do not envy them. The sacrifice is humongous. Besides the fact that a woman's life is never the same again after a child, many women also have to deal with husbands who become bored and frustrated by the routine of family life. To me, having a family seems like the most surefire way to kill love and passion, and I dread that. I know these are worst-case scenarios and I know a lot of women remain happy and fulfilled even after having lots of children. But it's not my cup of tea.

I love my nieces and my nephews but at this point in time, I think I won't be providing them with any playmates.    

AAAAAARGH!!!!

Breathe.

OK. I apologise for this display of anguish on my blog on a Monday afternoon. BUT.

I hate it when people send me large emails!

What is it with these people? I mean, just because email providers like Gmail, Yahoo Mail or whatever mail, offer you 1 GB of space, it DOESN'T MEAN you can send me a 10 MB email!

Do you know how long it took me to download all my emails today? 15 minutes. That is NOT acceptable. The bar that said, "Downloading 20 MB ..." almost drove me to insanity. There I was, sitting at my desk, a bundle of nervous energy, wondering, "WHO ON EARTH SENT ME A HUGE EMAIL?"

The culprits, it turned out, were

1. A hotel PR who decided it was cool to tell me about some poolside party she's having and attached 5 MB worth of pictures to her mail.

2. A job applicant who thought it would be really helping her case to send along a 10 MB portfolio. Look, if I'm interested, I'll ASK you for a portfolio. Don't assume it's OK to send a huge file to me!

I've said many a time - both in the magazine and at my talks in schools and career fairs - that it's NOT OK to send an email of more than 1 MB to anyone. In fact, if it were up to me, unsolicited 1 MB job applications should be automatically banned! What do you really need when sending in an email asking for a  job? Your cover letter and your CV. That's it.

At the end of your CV, a simple, "Portfolio is available upon request" is enough to let the interviewer know that he/she can ask to see your work. There is no need to inundate anyone's mailbox with PDFs of your certs, your works and your pictures.

Sending anyone an email the size of the planet Mars is almost as good (in this case, bad) as parking an elephant in front of my door and expecting me to squeeze my way out of my apartment. It inconveniences someone. It puts you in a bad light because I now see you as someone who is inconsiderate and assumptuous. And what are the chances of me wanting to (1) write about your event or (2) give you a job? In fact, you know what I do with elephants in my mailbox? I SHOOT THEM DEAD. I send them staight into the Deleted folder so that I have space for other emails that do not piss me off!

Now, please don't say I'm being a bitch or a meanie here. But I think email etiquette is something a lot of people don't have. If it's a casual email between friends, sure, anything goes. However, a professional email requires a bit more thought. For one, have an email address that is as unimaginative as possible ( This e-mail address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it   - any coincidence is unintentional - is not a good email address especially if we're talking about you writing in for a senior position). Second, make sure your name is shown properly (Cutesy Van Van - again any coincidence is unintentional - is not going to inspire any confidence, OK?). Third, can we please agree that emoticons are illegal and using them in any professional email warrants an arrest by the police?

So yes, there are ways to get my attention and there are ways to lose it. If you think sending me a 20 MB email is going to make me sit up and go, "Wow, this girl has thought of EVERYTHING!", stop. The email gods will forgive me for sending your email into the Deleted folder. Let's hope they will help you send a better email.

Whenever I eat lunch at my desk, I've got this habit of going onto Yahoo to check out the latest news and catch up on random, trivia happenings around the world.

Today, I came across a piece of news about Ris Low and her feeble attempts at creating a cheer for the Youth Olympics. I shan't go into the details about how she has once again embarrassed herself. The one thing that came up in my mind, however, was this question:

Have we, as a people, gotten less creative?

This is a question that is very close to my heart. Why do I say that? Because it seems that the purpose of doing anything these days is to get people looking in your way. It doesn't matter if an advertisement is visually stunning or carries an intelligent message. As long as people TALK about it, as long as people are able to RECALL this ad in some random street survey, the ad is considered a success. Mind you, there's a difference between creativity and attention-grabbing. The former is done with class, with a respect for art and wit. The latter is often crass, desperate and aims to appeal (or shock) as many people as possible.

A creative piece of work doesn't have to be high-brow and hard to understand. I miss the days when we had a heart-thumping national day song to learn every year. Songs like "Count on me, Singapore" and "Home" were unpretentious, down-to-earth, but they managed to still inspire a sense of awe and patriotism in us. I'm sorry to say this but recent years' national day songs have been ... blah. I mean, yes, it's cool to get people like Electrico and Corinne May to perform them but these tunes have been forgettable, lukewarm and wimpy. They don't inspire pride in Singapore. At all.

And I'm sure we don't want to even talk about JJ Lin's YOG number.

What does it mean to be creative?

I don't know what is this creativity that schools are trying so hard to "teach" their students to do. To be able to think out of the box? To be able to come up with mindblowing works of art? To just create without thought? The direction seems so lost. In my opinion, there is a general reluctance to take a stand and make a statement. 

To me, being creative starts with baring your soul. When I come up with an idea, the first place I go to is my gut. What is my gut feeling about the task at hand? What do I feel about it? What is the message I want to convey to everyone else? Being creative is a very self-centred process. There is NO ALTRUISM involved in it. It's addressing a hunger - YOUR HUNGER. And, what you do to feed it is then made powerful by your ability to make others IDENTIFY with your hunger. 

There must be a desire to inspire. Often, people think being creative means doing something different. It's not. Being creative doesn't mean you have to take the road less travelled. You basically need to give others a different perspective of something. Blogging, ironically, takes the soul out of writing. There is no respect for the power of the written word because the norm is simply to splash a blog with lots of pictures. Blogs have so much influence these days but the ones that provide a refreshing point of view are far and few between. They feed but they don't nourish.   

Lastly, to be creative is to have pride. The belief that what you've created is the best and that no one else would be able to come up with a close substitute. The most respected artists, songwriters, moviemakers, writers don't settle for second-best and they rather fail on their own ideas then succeed on someone else's. There is no compromise, no meeting someone in the middle. I don't think I've heard JJ Lin defend his YOG song at all. The South Africans were up in arms over Shakira singing the World Cup theme song but did Shakira just go away quietly into the night? She gave her opinions on that matter! You don't have to react violently towards criticisms of your work. But to say something shows that YOU GIVE ENOUGH OF A DAMN. 

Until we start to place that much pride, hope and importance into our works, we can forget about being creative.    

Do you get offended whenever someone makes a comment like, "I don't think we'll live in Singapore for long. My husband hates Singapore"? The husband in question is, of course, a foreigner. 

I do. I really do. I find it very difficult not to take it personally when Singaporeans talk about going overseas to live because their non-Singaporean spouses find Singapore:

1. Too small - look it's just the way this island is, OK. We never said in our brochures that Singapore's the size of the North American continent.

2. Too crowded - again, we can't help you there. Have you tried going shopping in Seoul during the sale period?

3. Too boring - look, I admit our clubs are not the most fantastic and that most of us try to be law-abiding citizens. But I don't think "happening nightlife" is something career-minded people think about when they relocated to Singapore to grow their careers, right?

From my conversations with my friends who married foreigners, they always talk about how their husbands like places like Kuala Lumpur, Phuket, Bangkok for their "rustic charms", that they like that the roads have potholes, that there aren't too many built-up areas in these places and that the people there are much "simpler than Singaporeans and less work-obsessed". 

Look, just because Singapore is in Southeast Asia, it doesn't mean we are obliged to look like a beachfront resort with burger stands and t-shirt stores located every 50m. I'm NOT saying that it's bad to be a beach resort, but the only reason some foreigners seem to dislike Singapore is because we are a CITY. Just because Singapore does not fit the stereotype of an exotic Asian getaway, we are being perceived by foreigners as "not having a soul".

I find that ridiculous and I think non-Singaporeans need to understand that Singapore, like New York, London and Tokyo, has every right to be a thriving, commercial, modern metropolis filled with breathtaking skyscrapers and monumental shopping malls. Sure, we may look like a country with no history, no heritage, no culture, no art ... BUT if that's how we want to grow this city, WE DAMN WELL WILL. Why should we remain "rustic", "rural", "exotic" just so foreigners would think we are a nice Asian country? Why can't Singapore be a modern city with exotic neighbours?

Please, I don't go about proclaiming that "Singapore is the greatest country in the world". What I am trying to say is that just because Singapore does not have:

1. A colourful night life like Lan Kwai Fong in Hong Kong

2. The smoky traffic jams of Bangkok

3. The roadside foodstalls of Kuala Lumpur

4. Rich cultural scenes like those in Tokyo

It doesn't make us a lesser city. As a country, we have things that we can be proud of. Such as our low crime-rate, our efficent public transport system, and our effective education system. There's a reason why so many foreigners choose to come work here - credit cards are accepted almost everywhere, our banks are safe and our airport is well-run and our business district area is teeming with great minds and a hardworking workforce. No country is perfect but Singapoure, OUR COUNTRY, has done damn well for itself! Do you not agree? 

I do not swell with pride whenever Singapore boasts about its achievements. I think we can still do more when it comes to protecting the planet. I think housing is way too expensive and that more could be done for the local art scene. But when I read about how girls in some countries are sentenced to death for being raped, when I learnt how there are laws in certain countries that prevent women from seeking medical help from a male doctor, I am grateful to be in Singapore. 

And for those foreign men who are dating or have married Singaporean women, surely you don't think our outspoken nature and our modern way of thinking is attributed to HBO or MTV, right? Where do you think your girlfriend/wife was first educated and brought up? And, there is nothing wrong with the values this country has instilled in its citizens.

We place a lot of emphasis on our careers so stop telling us to take a holiday. We will go on one when our schedule has time.

We like to own things - bags, shoes, flats, cars - so stop going on and on about how where you come from, people rent.

If our careers are going well here, we see no reason to up and go and live in Spain. Sorry, the need for security definitely outweighs the need for change and adventure. The latter I'll do - when I retire, have loads of money, don't have to worry about the mortgage, can afford a house and a vineyard and don't have stay in a backpacker's hostel. For now, call me boring, practical and unromantic - my city is an overachiever and so am I.                  

"I just cannot go to bed with a peace of mind if he doesn't message back to tell me what time he'd be back," Y, a girl friend I've known for more than 10 years was telling me about the one thing she wished her husband would just do for her.

"But why?" I asked. 'It's not as if he's ever spent a night outside and you might as well stop being so paranoid. Go to bed early and just enjoy having the whole bed to yourself."

"All I'm asking of him is a short SMS," said Y, "he doesn't even need to tell me where he is, who he's with and what he'd doing. I just need something like, 'Will be home at 2am', that's all."

I patiently explained to Y how while her request sounds reasonable, the fact that she was so adamant and obsessed about her husband messaging back would eventually lead to one of them losing his/her cool. "Let go a bit," I advised, "for all you know, it'll be him taking the initiative to let you know what he's up to."

I didn't manage to convince Y but the conversation got me thinking about the one thing: giving a damn about someone is tiring.

It's more than just a trust issue (this I'll leave to another blog entry for another day). You know, as individuals, living life from day to day is tedious enough. Each of us have our own set of problems to deal with - jobs, bosses, friends, familiy, staying in shape, getting more sleep, managing our money, etc. Every single one of us have our own lives to lead. What does this mean? 

Taking care and worrying about another person is absolutely unnecessary and a waste of time and effort - time and effort that you can spend on yourself!   

For myself, I make a conscious effort to not let a man become my responsibility. My life is for me to live. No matter how fond I am of someone, no matter how much I've grown to like someone, I refuse to let my life revolve around him. Sure, I can show him some consideration, be thoughtful and make the occasional romantic gesture. BUT to let what he's doing, or not doing, bother me to the extent that I lose sleep and concentration? No way.

And girls, this is not the Relationship-Grinch or the Commitmentphobe in me talking. This conclusion is something I've drawn after many conversations with friends about their relationships, after observing how many people become miserable because they just can't trust their partners to go out and not do something wrong. Yes, a relationship takes effort to maintain but so does your life! Is your life any less worthy of your time and effort?

The logic is simple: Be the best person you can ever be because, when push comes to shove, your man would stand to lose more from the relationship not working out than you would.

It's easier said than done, I admit. And I also realise that you'd probably need to harden your heart and become an impossibly rational person overnight. You may also question why in something that involves the heart, you have to make such calculated moves. You don't have to follow my advice, really. If you belong to the school that believes heartaches and tears are part and parcel of true love, then by all means let your heart and emotions take full control. But if, like me, you believe that love is like politics, that love is a relationship between two individuals fighting for the upperhand, then it won't hurt to take your heart out and put your mind in.

After all, love may be blind but it is a territory everyone should go in with their hearts, minds and eyes wide open.

Something to think about this weekend. Happy Friday!

A guy-friend, upon hearing that I've been a bit stressed at work, messaged me this on Monday: "I'll be around to lend you a listening ear, even though you know what are my thoughts about your industry."

Excuse me, Guy-Friend! What does "my thoughts about your industry" mean? Why do I catch a hint of condescension in your tone, like my work is useless, frivolous and not worth getting stressed over?

On a date yesterday, I proudly showed my date the August 2010 issue of CLEO. He made a face when I took out the magazine.

"Oh c'mon," he grimaced. "What does 'Gaga Ooh-La-La' even mean? I hate that line."

"What?" I said, "Have you not heard the song 'Bad Romance'?" I proceeded to sing a few lines in my best throaty Lady Gaga-voice.

"Oh well," Magazine-Hating Date relented and then shook it all off by saying, "But it's not like you produced this magazine for people like me."

OK. I think it is time we girls put a stop to this dismissive attitude men have towards women's lifestyle magazines. It's as if, in the whole universe of magazines, women's lifestyle mags are just one evolutionary step above a piece of blank paper. The men in our lives roll their eyes whenever they see us reading one ("They're just lying about that anti-ageing cream, you know, right?" ). When we tell them about how it seems cosmically fated that Justin Timberlake would still end up with Britney Spears, they yawn and make some sarcastic comment about how that is really going to help with world peace. How rude.

In the eyes of men, we are screwed up because of women's magazines!

Unhealthy body-image? Blame these magazines for using pictures of models and celebs. 

My thoughts? So you men would rather we women not care about our images? Hello! It's thanks to all that celeb-inspiration that we dress and look this good!   

The materialistic desire for all-things designer? It could only be women's magazines.

Yes, and the car and gadget magazines you guys read are really not trying to sell you anything and, like you'll still find us attractive if we keep showing up for our dates in the same Giordarno t-shirt and 3-for-$10 FBT shorts.  

Buying ridiculous fashion stuff like one-shoulder dresses and chunky necklaces? Check out the fashion spreads inside women's magazines! 

OK. Don't let me catch you trying to get a glimpse of my boobs the next time I wear that figure-hugging one-shoulder dress with that huge cut-out at the waist that shows off my abs. Remind me to stick to something boring ... like ... oh yes, a Giordarno t-shirt and a pair of FBT shorts. 

Men don't realise that it's THANKS to women's magazines that Singaporean women, on the whole, is a much better-looking bunch than Singaporean men. When it comes to grooming and dressing, we are light years ahead of our male counterparts. Yes, we do have lots and lots of pages about beauty and fashion but we also tackle very real topics like career, confidence, relationships and health. We make information accessible. We package information so that it is more digestible and appealing to read. What is information if people are not willing to read it or if people simply don't understand it?

"You know, you're right. Women's magazines are crap," I said to Magazine-Hater. "There shouldn't be anything wrong with wearing a linen, checkered shirt with black straightcut pants and suede moccasins - whether I go to the office or to a club?"

"What are you talking about?" asked Magazine-Hater, "You don't have moccasins. Besides, they are more like men's shoes?"

"Exactly," I said. "But that was how I dressed before I started reading women's magazines." 

Silence.

Deborah 1; Magazine-Hater 0. Point made.

“NOOoooo,” he replied in disgust. “Guess what happens to guys who bend over at the sink to wash their faces? Hurhurhur!”
 

Funny. Very funny.
 

“Well,” I said, “how hard could it be to use soap?”
 

Wait a sec! Before you go, “How can a self-confessed beauty junkie tell her friend to use soap on his skin?!” Read on …
 

Between a man who takes skincare to the extreme and a man who doesn’t give two hoots about his skin, who would you choose?
 

Both? Cos while I find the former’s disinterest in skincare “manly”, I appreciate the latter’s grooming habits cos, really, which girl wants to kiss a dirty, grimy face?
 

I once dated a guy whose skincare routine involved just the tap and the water that flowed out from it. Strangely, his skin was flawless, zit-free and glowed with an enviable radiance. I also dated a guy who not only did the whole cleanser-tone-treat-moisturise shebang, he also did a clay mask every Sunday afternoon and a whitening sheet mask every Wednesday night after gym. His skin broke out every other month and he waged a constant war against the pits his acne left behind.
 

But a guy patting on skin-plumping serum? That’s NOT a very sexy sight!
 

So how much of a damn should a man give about his skin?
 

Not too much, I say. I don’t expect any dude (with decently healthy skin) to go on some seven-step regime.
 

Skincare products for men came about when (1) women started bitching about their boyfriends’ misusing their expensive creams (2) men who wanted to take care of their skins got called many nasty names by their Neanderthal brothers.
 

When you look at skin, it’s basically the same for men and women. Yes, men have tougher, thicker, rougher skins but think about the way skin really works – it’s the same thing for both genders. With regular exfoliation (if they cared to), good personal hygiene and some kickass wonder serums and moisturisers, men, like women, can have healthy, nice skin. I’ve stopped myself from using the word “soft” cos I don’t want to scare men off skincare. Men’s skins are the tough, chewy hide that they usually are because they treat them so badly.
 

If you were beaten, scratched and exposed to the sun for the first 20 years of your life, you’d be hard, tough and rough too!
 

It’s one thing to create a skincare range that works well for tough and rough skins but quite another to introduce stuff that “lifts”, “firms”, “erases signs of ageing” and “puts back much-needed hydration into the skin”. Men don’t care about these terms (women do!). In fact, these terms confuse and scare the shit out of them! I can just hear my guy friends go, “Yeah, whatever. This melanin-eraser-hyaluronic-acid-collagen-booster thing sounds like it could end a world war.”
 

Which is fine by me, honestly!
 

I’m for a simple cleanse-moisturise-sunscreen routine. As the editor of a beauty and fashion magazine, I know I’m supposed to preach a routine that’s more complicated than Justin Timberlake’s dance steps but the woman in me simply cannot live with a man who’d rather spend his time extracting his blackheads than playing a sport. I still want a manly man who thinks soap for body can be soap for face. But of course, that’s just me. If a guy’s skin requires more TLC to look good, then I would strongly recommend a proper skincare regime.
 

What should men care about when it comes to skincare?
 

1. That it’s fuss-free – none of those “gently tap your eye-area with your ring finger” kind of instructions

2. That it will not embarrass him at the gym. Or for that matter, let some guys in the locker-room have wrong ideas about his sexual preference

3. That it makes him look clean
 

Which is why I really don’t think it’s a good idea for any men’s skincare product to give too much information. If it’s a cleansing foam that promises to “remove impurities and clear out pores”, it should just say, “Cleans damn well”. If it’s an anti-ageing moisturiser, the label should just say, “Will not make skin look like croc leather”. If it’s a thingy (see, guys don’t know a serum from an essence) that “erases pigment spots”, it should just read, “Out, damn spot!”.
 

After all, guys, being guys, have only one thing on their mind when they are slapping on that whitening sunscreen you bought for them: “I hope she lets me touch her breasts tonight.”
 

Since I don’t intend for my guy friend to think he’s got any chance near my pair, I shall leave the cleanser-buying task to his girlfriend instead.

"What? You don't wash your face?" I asked my guy pal over dinner last week. He had just finished gym and was looking a bit like a piece of flypaper - sticky.

"Noooooo" he replied in mocked disgust. "Guess what happens to guys who bend over at the sink to wash their faces? Hurhurhur ..."

Funny. Very funny.

"Well," I said, "how hard could it be to soap up your face when you're in the shower?"

Wait a sec! Before you go, "How could a self-confessed beauty junkie like you tell your friend to use soap on his face?" Read on ...

Between a man who takes skincare to the extreme and a man who doesn't give two hoots about his skin, who would you choose?

For me, it's a hard choice. While I find the former's disinterest in skincare "manly" (and therefore attractive), I do appreciate the latter's good grooming habits cos, really, which girl would want to kiss a dirty, oily, grimy face?

I've dated both types of guys before. Strangely enough, the one whose skincare regime consisted only of a tap and the water that flows out of it had flawless, zit-free and radiant skin. The dude whose skincare regime included a weekly whitening sheet mask battled with spots and waged a constant battle with the pits that the acne left behind. Plus, personally, it was very difficult to find a man sexy when he's busy patting skin-plumping serum (with 24K gold-flakes, no less!) into his skin!

So how much damn should a man give about his skin? Not too much, I hope. I'm just not the sort who finds a man working through a 7-step regime attractive.

Skincare for men came about when (1) women started bitching about their boyfriends misusing their expensive face creams (2) men who wanted to take good care of their skins got called many nasty names by their Neanderthal brothers.

But when you look at skin, it's basically the same for both men and women. Yes, men do have thicker, tougher, rougher skins but skin is skin and skin works the same way for both genders. With regular exfoliation, daily moisturising and conscientious use of a sunscreen, man's skin can be good, nice skin. The only reason why men have that tough, chewy hide they call skin is because they generally treat it so damn badly.

Think of it this way: if you were beaten, scratched and exposed to the sun for the first 20 years of your life, you'd be hard, rough and tough too!

Nonetheless, it's one thing to create a skincare range that works well for tough skins and quite another to introduce stuff that "lifts saggy skin", "erases signs of ageing", "injects a radiant glow with a velvety touch". Men don't give a rat-ass about such promises - women do. And these terms only serve to confuse and scare them! I can almost hear my guy friend go, "This collagen-booster-hyaluronic-acid-melano-blocker thing sounds like it could end a world war, yo!"

But you know what? It's fine by me! I don't want a man who says things like, "Honey, you've got anything that will plump up my fine lines and define my facial contours?" YIKES!

I'm all for a cleanser-moisturiser-sunscreen routine. As the editor of a women's magazine that preaches the benefits of a thorough skincare programme, I know I'm supposed to convince all men to be like us and go for a skincare regime that's as complicated as Justin Timberlake's dance steps but the woman in me simply cannot live with a man who'd rather spend his time extracting his blackheads than playing a sport! I still want a manly man who thinks soap for body is soap for face.

For a man, a skincare regime is all about ...

1. Being fuss-free - none of those "gently tap your eye area with your ring finger" instructions

2. Not embarrassing him at the gym. And for that matter, let some guys in the locker-room have wrong ideas about his seuxal preference.

3. Making him look cleaned up.

Which is why I really don't think it's a great idea for any men's skincare product to give too much information. If it's a cleansing product that "removes impurities, unclogs pores and washes away free radicals", it should just say, "Cleans damn well". An anti-ageing moisturiser should just say, "Will not make skin look like croc leather" while a thingy (see, guys don't know a serum from an essence) that "erases pigment spots" should just say, "Out, damn spot!"

Cos after all, guys being guys, have only one thing on their minds when they're slapping on that whitening sunscreen we bought them: "I hope she lets me touch her boobs tonight ..."

Since I don't intend for my guy friend to think he's got a modicum of hope near my pair, I shall leave the cleanser-buying task to his girlfriend. Meanwhile, I will just stick with a pal-hug and not place my face near his.